he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
