I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
