dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
