Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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