Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So vagazzling was a success
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
