This is not my ceiling
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
