Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
