If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
