Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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