he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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