This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
