Jerry, you need to find god
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
