Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
