I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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