guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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