sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize