Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i believe in u and ur pee
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
