I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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