Three words: puerto rican gang bang
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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