Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
