I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize