Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
