You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize