I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
