last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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