Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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