Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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