The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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