STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
