I think I am morally bankrupt
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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