hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
