he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
