I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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