Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
