I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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