If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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