Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize