Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
