I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
