I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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