I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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