youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
