So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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