Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
