6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize