I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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