i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think I died a long time ago.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
