I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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