how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
