pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
