I think my vagina is haunted
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
