I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
