The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
