dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
