he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
