that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
