What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
