the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it's like iHOP with fire
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
