hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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