I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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