so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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