Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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