hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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