Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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