my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
