Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
