Barsexuality is the new black.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
