Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
